Today the team had our very last training at toa payoh. Quite lazy to train given that we’ve already lost the 2 matches and don’t really have the heart to train any longer. But me and serene were just saying, just play our best. 6 years of effort and training, coming to an end. It is seriously really saddening to leave volleyball. Training was better after awhile when we started to get into groups of three.

When training ended, I was even more reluctant to stop playing. Last time at Toa Payoh, last training, last time with our juniors. So some of us (a group bigger than usual) decided to go eat after training, after a 4-6 training. First time. & i felt the joy when another person cheerfully said “ok i can eat with you all!!!” For some reason, today seemed to be really significant. We ate at BK and laughed and joked and shocked other people. We went to pasar malam to look at retro stuff and bought stuff to eat. We joked, talked and shared. I don’t knw, I emo or what. Just really reluctant to end training and officially walk away from them. This is a really complex team where we didn’t really talked to each other about our personal stuff and shared our thoughts freely. Even though we didn’t really let our guard down totally today, it was the first time I felt that we were relaxed enough to share a little bit about how we felt and about our lives (esp xxx hahaha)

I guess I’m the only one who feels this way. Maybe to the rest, it’ll be just another toapayoh training, just another dinner fast food outing, just another walk to the bus stop. Feeling sad may be a good thing, it shows that deep down, I care.

Match on monday, vesak day. I don’t know what to say because I don’t want to say the wrong thing and I don’t want to get our hopes to high and I definitely don’t want to thinking about expecting anything (good or bad).

Note to self: Need to stop thinking too much. Happy thoughts, happy pills.

& need to take more pictures with the volleyball people!!!!!